“What do you want me to do for you?”
That’s the question Jesus asked Bartimaeus, a blind man sitting by the roadside near Jericho. [Mark 10:51, Luke 18:35]
Bartimaeus had no trouble answering this question: “I want to see.”
Mark tells us that Bartimaeus “immediately received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.” [Mark 10:53.]
That same question has been on my heart for many months now:
What do I want God to do for me?
What are the Desires of Your Heart?
Have you ever been in that place in life where you don’t know what to ask for or can’t ask for what you think you want?
I hope you’ll be patient with me as I “think out loud” for a few sentences.
- Maybe I’m not confident in asking God for what I want.
- Maybe I have some lingering, hidden feeling of doubt about God’s goodness and love for me.
- Maybe there’s an underlying fear of my own unworthiness, or a fear of committing because I might fail since that’s what happened the last time I stuck my toes in the water.
In late 2011, I knew that I was in a situation that required great discernment about how to proceed with my life and career. I embarked on a year-long time of deep reflection, Bible study, self-study, journaling and prayer. My goal was to strip off all the veneer and get back to the core essence of who God created me to be.
By the end of 2012, I’d identified several core life areas that were most authentic to me as God’s unique creation and I created something along the lines of a life vision and values statement to guide my next steps professionally.
Over the next three years I took a number of steps to pursue that vision but the outcome hasn’t [yet] been success, at least not in the professional and financial sense. For a time, I ended up beaten down, broken, and deep in discouragement. It’s been a long journey back from the sense of desolation and abandonment I felt in late 2015 and 2016. God met my every need, but it was painful. I still feel the stings of enemy arrows, even though I’m better equipped now to take captive my thoughts and accept the victory.
I understand that what seemed to be a dead-end was a time of pruning and preparation. The experience has been positive in growing my faith and refining me in Christ, even though I’m sure it’s time now to move on.
I am confident that—at this point in my journey—wandering in circles around the status quo is more failure than stepping out in faith again.
The question is, In what direction do I move?
Was the prior life vision a false illusion, or did I simply need to grow in my faith? Did I need to learn to trust God more completely before I could move forward?
Last fall, I sensed that I was ready to move forward into my Promised Land, but after a few tentative steps, I again seemingly froze up into “stuck” mode. I’ve dealt with a few lingering cobwebs of clutter that were causing chaos and confusion but still seem to be circling.
Now, in early May, I find myself still wondering how to answer the question:
What do you want me to do for you?
Surveying the Land
“So Joshua said to the Israelites: ‘How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?” [Joshua 18:3, NIV] Joshua then sent out three men from each tribe to “go make a survey of the land and to write a description of it.” [Joshua 18:8, NIV]
Through this Word, the Holy Spirit God impressed upon me that I need to survey my vision and write a description of it.
So that’s my next step: Your prayers that I can both discern God’s will and boldly ask for what I want are much appreciated.
Whatever your own circumstance, it’s important to know that God has plans to prosper each of us [Jeremiah 29:11 ] and that if we commit our God-discerned plans to the Lord they will succeed. [Proverbs 16:3.]
If we keep his commandments and live by his Word, God will give us the desires of our heart, just like He did with David.
In Psalm 21, David praises the Lord and thanks Him:
“You have granted him the desire of his heart and have not withheld the request of his lips.”
What gets you excited? Read along with us for the next few weeks as we explore purpose and passion.
Sheree Martin is a lawyer, entrepreneur and digital media consultant. She’s on a mission to help others Discover, Grow and Shine. Sheree is mom to multiple furry creatures and aunt to three awesome young adults. She loves spending time outdoors, especially at Shine Springs Farm, doing anything fitness related, and cooking real food for friends and family. Click her to read Sheree’s Breath on Paper bio.