My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. John 10:27
Some people call it intuition.
Others call it a sixth sense or gut instinct. Skeptics say it’s the result of something they ate. Many times people don’t recognize and, thus, dismiss that the thing they heard, felt, or sensed was actually God’s voice. I wish I could say I always knew clearly.
A few months ago an issue that had been cocooned in the back of my mind began showing signs of movement. You know that thing your heart’s just not ready to deal with yet but sooner or later you’re going to need to do something about it? I chose to ignore it, hoping maybe it would just work itself out. To say that bringing the matter to a conclusion would be a MAJOR life-defining moment would be an understatement. That’s why I didn’t poke or prod it too much. It was BIG. And scary. Like monsters that lurk under kids’ beds.
Every day the reminder fluttered through my mind. You really need to make a decision; other people are being affected by your indecision, I would tell myself. I know, I know, I would reply. I was like a boyfriend that couldn’t get to the point of commitment, holding it close, then pushing it away. Decide already, I would chide myself, because you keep floating around in limbo without committing one way or the other!
“You can’t grab hold of your future if you keep holding on to what’s behind.” The very logical Pinterest-like quote became planted in my mind. Where did that come from? God certainly wouldn’t ask me to give up what I had seen as my security blanket, my safe place, my comfort zone, would He? The discomfort I felt in pondering the words gave me heartburn. And laying hold of the future? Well, that would require courage, faith, and — uh-oh— total dependence on God.
And therein was the issue: It would be easier to listen to my own voice.
Since God had my back up against a wall, I was going to try to wiggle my way out through the bargaining route. I wanted God to prove it was Him. (I may be stubborn, but stick with me here.) I began praying that He would somehow give me confirmation that those words had been His, not mine.
On a walk with my friend Sarah late one afternoon I shared my dilemma with her. “If that really was God, I’m going to have to hear it again – and this time outside of myself, from an independent source.” I was pretty sure I was going to win this one, because things never happen like that for me.
Later that evening, after our walk and after Sarah and I had watched a couple of episodes of “This Is Us” — because women never get their fill of real life— I was puttering around on my iPad, scrolling through YouTube, looking for something fun to watch. In the intuitive fashion in which social media sites operate, a list of suggestions popped up, and —
“Omigosh, Sarah!! You’re never going to believe this!” I exclaimed. Staring back at me from the iPad screen was a suggested video: “T.D. Jakes 2018 – Stop attaching yourself to where you were while you’re reaching for where you deserve.” Whoa! Just … just whoa!!
“I guess you got your answer, didn’t you?” Sarah said with a grin.
I sat there, stunned. And just like that, my questioning was over. The confirmation was given and my decision was made. I knew without a doubt it was the right decision, because if I had reasoned in my own ability, I could at some point second-guess myself. With our infallible God there is no second-guessing, and I was flooded with peace in knowing that.
As if to say, “I really do know how stubborn you are, so — just in case — I meant what I said,” God sent me another confirmation again a few days later through social media: “Let go of the past so that God can open the door to your future.”
Got it, God. Loud and clear.
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Pam Freitag Weyant traded the harsh Midwestern winters for the sunny South. Her best friends are her steno machine (she works as a freelance court reporter), her aged but adorable cocker spaniel Jake, and books. She is grateful for time spent traveling, writing creative nonfiction, and working out. Her goal each day is to share her story with others so they may also find freedom in a redemptive Savior. Read more of Pam’s Breath on Paper bio here.