I am an adventurous soul who gets high on the surge of adrenalin. If there is an element of risk, I’m in. Countless times I have been rescued physically, but the physical realm is not where I have been in the most danger.
What has been in endless peril and need of rescue is my mind.
Several years after my husband passed away I was introduced to a very intriguing man. My mind’s eyes were entranced and my heart was ready for a relationship once again. Self-educated, he rose in the world of screenwriting, acting, and directing on the West Coast. After many years in the industry, he withdrew from the culture, relocated, and became an author, publishing several books. He received accolades and was upwardly mobile in his genre. He was handsome, cultured, and I was drawn in by his literary creativity.
Eventually, previously indiscernible cracks in the façade became visible and, as had occurred with others, the curtain that rose on that romance also descended. I hadn’t learned yet that I was not responsible for the fragility of the male ego or that God’s plan did not include my auditioning for someone’s personal production of “Babes in Toyland” (figuratively speaking).
When, God? I asked. How long do I have to live life alone? What my mind had decided should happen — even if it occurred despite what God said — had once again failed.
Since the Garden of Eden, the mind has been the battlefield, the territory to which Satan has attempted laying claim. Like Eve, I wasn’t satisfied with life in the garden, the dwelling place God had created where He desired me to live in lush abundance, lacking nothing. Instead, I chose to live outside of the garden in confusion and frustration, my mind and emotions taken into captivity.
I bit into the fruit of lies.
Each time I took the wrong fork in the road, I traveled down a rabbit trail of believing I could trust my own judgment more than I could trust God, and it began with a single lie planted by the enemy: I can’t trust God to …
- … give me good things
- … console my grief/feelings of loneliness
- … care for me if I become ill
- … provide for me
And each time, the trail ended with me emotionally and mentally hanging off the edge of a cliff, grasping at the remnant of an ominously shredded cord. I needed someone to hang onto, someone to pull me to safety. I more desperately needed Someone who would save me from myself and my flawed, wayward thinking.
There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. Proverbs 14:12
Have you ever found yourself in need of being rescued?
One morning several months after the writer and I discontinued our relationship, I awakened, remembering, oddly, a few words from a piece he had written which he had included on his website. I was not in the least curious about what was happening in his world, but I wanted to read the piece again. He was a gifted writer, and the piece was lovely. I couldn’t remember the name of his website, so I relied on Google to find it. The screen populated, and prominently displayed within the first few “hits” were words that took my breath away.
The novelist who was compared to Faulkner had died.
In the intervening months, God had been renewing my mind, drawing me closer to Him. I had more clarity and focus on His provision and protection. But my mind stood at attention with the lesson standing boldly in front of me: I had allowed myself to be enthralled by someone God had not intended for me. His sovereign hand had rescued me. He had severed our relationship before the bud had blossomed, sparing my heart from being pierced again by the thorn of grief.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:9
I’m sure God gives me kudos for courageously going out on a limb at times; however, my days as I plan them according to my judgment aren’t all necessarily ordained by God. Many are the plans in a person’s heart, scripture tells us, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails (Proverbs 19:12). And I am so grateful for that, aren’t you? I can’t count the times I have wondered where I would be today if some of my plans had come to fruition but, because of God’s grace, didn’t.
David wrote in Psalm 139 that there has been a plan in place for my life since before my conception. But because God knows me inside and out and sees each of my days before they occur, He is prepared with outstretched hand to rescue me. He knows where my — and your! — heart and mind will wander and He saves me from myself.
He is my Rescuer … and He rescues me.
You are what God says that you are! You are enough!
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Pam Weyant traded the harsh Midwestern winters for the sunny South. When she is not spending her time as a freelance court reporter, you will findher loving up her adorable cocker spaniel, hiking, traveling, writing creative nonfiction, or working out. Her passion is sharing her story so others can join her in celebrating the freedom found in a redemptive Savior. Read more of Pam’s Breath on Paper bio here.