“The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.”
1 Timothy 1:5
I think it’s safe to make the assumption that many of us head into a season of prayer expectant to hear God’s voice, and anxious to receive answers to our long awaited questions. For me this is usually the case, and more often than not, I get revelations after revelations, and answers to my questions that seem clear as day.
Until, this time I didn’t. I didn’t get amazing Holy revelations, nor did I get any answers I was really searching for. I walked out of twenty one days of prayer with more questions, and even more conviction than I had ever felt before. I was so overwhelmed with what God was asking me, and what the Holy Spirit was showing me, that I immediately felt disheartened and defeated.
I wonder if most of us feel that way. I wonder if we’re all praying for something specific, and yet we end up with an answer to a problem we didn’t know we had. The more time I spent processing, the more I began to realize an important truth.
God wasn’t shaming me, He was stirring me.
“For the spirit of God does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”
2 Timothy 1:7
God wasn’t asking tough questions to make me question my abilities, and He wasn’t convicting me to make me guilty. God was simply asking me to step back, and re-evaluate my heart, my motives, and my intentions. He’s beginning a work inside me, a season of preparation for something He has in store, my heart has to be ready, and that’s why it hurts so bad. This was my thought after processing the pain of sorting through God’s questions.
God’s biggest question had to do with intention. More importantly, it had to do with my intentions in leadership. Webster defines the word as, “a thing intended; an aim or plan.”
God’s question began with, “What are your intentions in leadership? What is your aim, or your plan? What is your big picture? Are you doing it for people, or position?” Ouch! Is He really asking, when you both the know the answer? Truth, be told, I love people. I really really love my friends and family, my small groups, and my co-workers. Okay… so I love certain people. This was my problem, the one I hadn’t realized was a problem. One thing I’m certain of, I want to be part of growing God’s kingdom in any way I can. Let me re-phrase that because it’s so over said, and I need to be sure the full weight of that is grasped. I want to play a part in rescuing souls that are trapped and bound in chains to this decaying world, help set them free, and shepherd them right into the arms of Jesus, so that one day when we get to Heaven, I’ll get to see them live in complete freedom for the rest of eternity.
I love being a small group leader, but that position shouldn’t come before people. I love the ladies who join my small groups, but shouldn’t I also love them before that? My heart shouldn’t just be set on the circles of people I know, my heart should stretch far and wide for souls I haven’t connected with yet. My heart should burn with a desire to help guide those people to the one loves us most, the one who offers eternal joy. What are my intentions? To be the best small group leader? Or to be the best friend, the best encourager, the best listener? It’s not about the pedestal we stand on, to really connect with someone’s heart, we have to meet them where they are, the same way God meets us where we are.
I’m walking out of twenty one days of prayer expectant, hopeful, and thankful. Thankful that my God corrected my eyes, and finely tuned my heart back to where it should be, to a place that can be receiving as well as giving. Maybe we didn’t get the answer we were searching for, but I can assure you we got the answer we needed.
“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
You are what God says that you are! You are enough!
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Arrianna is a happy-go-lucky young lady who enjoys beauty, fashion, and spreading the love of Jesus through: Small Groups, YouTube, and Blogging. Her dream is to one day be a wife, mother and friend – but most importantly a world changer for the kingdom of God. For more about Arri CLICK HERE.