Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy. You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:18, 19
My husband and I were 30 when we got married so I didn’t want to wait too long to add children to our family. It proved to be more difficult than either of us expected. So off to the doctors we went. They did all the tests but couldn’t find a medical reason. It was during this frustrating time that I really understood the forgiveness of God.
The desire to have a child and feel a life growing under my heart was so incredibly powerful. More than any drink or drug, it ruled my every thought for so many months. And those months turned into years. Part of the crazy was the drugs I took to increase my fertility. But the other big contributor were the voices in my head shaming me.
Through all these months my mind replayed every single thing I’d done or allowed to be done to my body. Had my stupid lifestyle choices caused the infertility? The really bad relationship choices? The total absorption with doing exactly what I wanted when I wanted?
Why wouldn’t God answer my prayers for children? I had done all the “right” things – college degree, good job, wonderful husband, house in a good school district. Didn’t I deserve to have children? Was infertility my punishment for past life choices?
These thoughts consumed my days and nights. Until they drove me to my knees. What I needed was to confess, repent and be forgiven. The memory is still vivid more than 20 years later.
On my knees beside our bed, I cried out to God begging forgiveness of all the sins of my sordid past. What happened next is what stays in my mind. In the pit of my stomach I felt a revolving ball of all those sins. Every one.
And God reached in and delivered me. In those moments all that I confessed and repented of was forgiven. It literally felt as if he physically reached in and took that ball and tossed it into the sea of forgetfulness. He would remember it no more. I was forgiven. It was as simple and as incomprehensible as that.
The key would be for me to keep God’s period in place and not replace it with my enemy’s question mark. Occasionally, a memory of forgiven sin will pop into my mind. As quickly as possible I remind myself that God has forgiven and forgotten and He has made me new.
The story ends happily as my husband and I have two fantastic children. As with all dark times, if we let them, they will lead us straight into the loving arms of our mighty Jesus. Selah… Andrea
CLICK HERE FOR YESTERDAYS POST ON HOPEFUL
Hey there friend! Andrea McCaskey here. I believe everything happens for a reason, life is meant to be lived in relationship with others and there is beauty to be found everywhere if we look. I am a friend of God, wife of Jamal and mother of Brandon and Madison.
To read more of Andrea’s Breath on Paper bio, click here.