I prayed but God didn’t help.
It took us 3 1/2 years to get pregnant. I remember how heartbreaking that was, feeling broken and less of a woman as for 3+ years my belly and arms remained empty. I now know without a doubt that God had a very good reason for not answering our prayer. We didn’t know it then, but our marriage desperately needed refining, as well as our relationship with Him, before we brought a new life into the mix.
Then came the day we finally welcomed our first child. She was perfect and there was nothing but hope and dreams of what our life would be like with her as she grew…until the day we got a report that shook our world and would make our dreamed up future play out quite differently.
This is our oldest daughter, Selah, now six. Looking at her, you’d never be able to tell that she was diagnosed at two, with a Developmental Processing Delay/ Disorder. Basically, communicating with her is extremely challenging. From our human perspective, it meant that the perfect child we waited and prayed so long for, now had both hers and our future distorted by circumstances that were seemingly dream stopping. Not to mention we got this news while we were expecting our second child, my husband out of work and our finances crumbling and facing possible foreclosure on our home. From where we stood, we were doing a whole lot of praying and getting a whole lot of silence instead. I recall saying to my friend, “I feel like a baby reaching for my Father to pick me up, but instead He’s walked away and left me in a dark room, alone. Helpless.”
A year later, our pastor said something that forever changed my thinking. “You would choose the will of God EVERY TIME, if you could see what He sees in the future.” The Lord replayed every negative experience in my life that I’d ever had, INCLUDING that of Selah’s circumstances, that had brought me to a deeper relationship with Him and the life I have now. They’ve all played a part in who I am, what I’m doing and who I’m impacting for His kingdom NOW. I wouldn’t have the friendships or ministry that I do if Selah had developed normally. She wouldn’t be touching the lives she is now, and have people witnessing the miracles that are taking place in her.
For four years I’ve prayed for supernatural healing in Selah to manifest…it’s still yet to be answered. However, God is healing my daughter. I see it daily. I have perfect peace and total faith that He’s doing what He said He will. He promised complete healing at the beginning of this journey, both to me and also in His Word. And He can’t break a promise. Hebrews 6:13-20 But it’s not happening in my timing or on my terms. He could easily heal her in a second and it’d be done, but there’s so many blessings that we’d miss out on if He did it that way. Just because He hasn’t answered my prayers as I’ve expected, doesn’t mean He’s not answering. He answers in one of 3 ways: “Yes.” “Not right now,” OR “I have something better.” Because of that, we have a new appreciation for every milestone that not only Selah achieves, but that each of our children reach. We see the miracle in each little development that we might not have otherwise.
God is omniscient, therefore knows every single human experience that we’ll have. He also knows how it’s going to play into His plan for our lives in the future. The future we can’t see in the middle of our trials. No, God does not inflict this on us. He does however, use it for our benefit and His glory; to refine, grow and strengthen us, to make us better. It will all serve a purpose and for our good, though it’s hard to see while standing in the storm. I not only believe, BUT know that God works behind the scenes while we walk through trials. I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. I AM living it even now.
TRUTH: I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING.
So where’s God in our trials? He’s working behind the scenes. ~ Heather
Your Turn: Can you see God working behind the scenes in your life? How different would your life be if He answered your prayers just as you expected? Are there blessings you have that you otherwise wouldn’t if He had answered your way? We’d love to hear from you. ~ Breath on Paper