I had prayed with all my heart for healing. After all, I had personally experienced a miraculous healing from the same disease just five years earlier. I knew He would heal me again. I had faith to believe He would. Didn’t He hear? Didn’t He care?
I don’t understand, I prayed to God but He didn’t help. He didn’t heal me like I thought he would.
I have now walked through a full year of chemotherapy and surgeries. Three surgeries and 16 rounds of harsh Chemo plus an additional 14 of not so harsh Chemo treatments and I can almost see the end of this road. All the hardest parts are over. Just a couple more treatments and I go for the final scan that reports I’m cancer free.
I didn’t want to have to walk through endless days of side effects from the poisons of chemotherapy. (I know it is the very best treatment that our medicine has to date. And I am very thankful! It still doesn’t change the fact that it is a very toxic poison.) The first four treatments were the harshest. I had all the side effects predicted. Three weeks in and my hair was gone. Bald. There were days on end that I could barely get out of bed just to go to the bathroom. To say that I was tired makes it sound like I just needed a nap. I would sleep for days and not be any more rested than when I laid down. It’s hard to describe the fatigue.
Having survived what the nurses referred to as the Red Devil, I moved onto twelve not as bad treatments. During the entirety of Chemo I had to use extreme caution. What would be a simple cold to you would have put me in the hospital. I had to stay all but isolated and use great caution at every turn.
All that was what I had asked God to deliver me from! Why hadn’t He just healed me? Why hadn’t He answered like I wanted? Why did I have to walk through those horrible months? I had so many questions!
When my hair finally got an inch long, I went in for a cut and the stylist asked me, “What was the biggest thing you learned?” I confess, I stumbled with stating my best answer.
Since that day, I have organized my thoughts and rehearsed, in a telling kind of way, my answer. (Always be ready to give an answer. 1 Peter 3:15)
On a practical note, I learned that God heals in one of three ways. 1) He heals miraculously, 2) He heals through medicine and 3) He heals completely when He takes us to heaven. (No one gets out of this world alive! Right?!)
On a spiritual note, simply I learned to trust Him more.
The Children of Israel had just witnessed the biggest miracle on planet Earth when God not only led them across the Red Sea without getting mud between their toes, He also drown their enemy behind them. The scripture tells us that Moses’ sister, Miriam led them out with singing and dancing, playing the tambourine. They must have been shouting hallelujah for all that God had done! For three short days they followed a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. (It wasn’t like they took a wrong turn at Albuquerque.) The Bible tells us that God led them to a place of bitter waters. Not, ‘Oh, this taste bad,’ but a make you sick for days kind of bitter! Why? Why had God lead them there? They had just seen Him deliver them! But now bitter waters. The next verses in Exodus tells us that God told Moses that He took them there so that they would trust Him more! The first time God uses His name as Healer was at this place. They needed to trust Him more.
So, while I experienced God’s miraculous healing years before, He healed me differently this time. He took me to a place where I learned to trust Him more. ~ Cindy
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Your Turn: Has God ever answered differently than you wanted…different than what you asked? Can you trust Him? Isaiah 55 tells us His plans are higher than ours? He is a good, good Father. The real question is can you trust him? ~ Breath on Paper